


Tootsie Roll

by PaintedVanilla (orphan_account)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Discussion of Children, Established Relationship, F/M, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 19:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12777777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/PaintedVanilla
Summary: “I wanna know what you think of kids.”





	Tootsie Roll

“What do you want to do for dinner?” Dolley asks from the kitchen; James can’t see her from where he’s sitting on the couch, but he knows she’s probably either looking in the fridge or in the pantry.

“I don’t know.” James says after a long moment; he hesitates again before he finally adds, “Can you come here?”

James hears the pantry door shut, which confirms what she was looking in, and Dolley appears in the doorway of the living room, “What’s up?”

“I wanna talk to you about something.” James says, and when his girlfriend immediately stiffens he adds, “It’s nothing bad. I’m not upset or anything, but I do want to talk about something serious. Then we can go out to dinner, maybe? Okay?”

“Okay.” Dolley says hesitantly, walking towards the couch, “What do you want to talk about?”

James waits for her to sit down before he explains, “Thomas and Martha are having their baby shower this weekend, and it just has me thinking. And in the interest of being completely transparent with you, I want to know how you feel about having kids.”

Dolley stares at him, “We’re not even married.”

“I know,” James says, “but I do want to marry you. And if I’m not mistaken, you want to marry me?” Dolley nods, so he continues, “So I want to know how you feel about having kids, in case it becomes a conflict of interest. We’ve never really talked about it.”

Dolley looks away, staring at the floor, “I don’t know.” she says after a moment, “I guess I don’t really think about it that much.” she pauses, “I mean when I was little I always imagined myself as an adult with kids but I don’t know. I also always imagined myself married to a Taiwanese guy so clearly not everything has gone as planned.”

James grins at that, but he presses on, “Do you want kids though? Now?”

“I mean not _now.”_ Dolley says, “We’re not even married. But I really don’t know.” she pauses again, “Do you want kids?”

James shrugs, “I wanna know what you think of kids.”

Dolley takes a deep breath, “I think…” she lays her head on the top of the couch, “I don’t think I’d be a very good mom.”

“Why?” James asks.

“I just…” Dolley pushes the side of her face further into the cushion, “I don’t know. I don’t really know how to take care of a kid. Like, when I’m at your parents house and I’m watching Frances or Reuben I don’t know what to _do._ Like, I can’t be mean to them. I can’t tell them no. I have trouble saying no to adults at the best of times, but it’s like I can’t refuse a child.” 

They’re both quiet for a moment, before Dolley suddenly says, “The last time I was with Frances she kept asking me to let her have another tootsie roll from the jar in the kitchen. And every time I tried to tell her no she would start fussing, and if I kept trying to tell her no I kept thinking about how much I sounded like my mom. Then I would let her have another one because that scared the shit out of me. I ended up letting her have like six before your mom took her away from me.”

Dolley glances up at James; he’s laid his head down on top of the couch too, to mirror her. They stare at each other, “I think if I had a kid I would do that all the time.” Dolley tells him.

James raises his eyebrows, “Really?”

“I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself.” she says, “I would rather die than make any kid feel the way my parents made me feel.”

“Saying no to them won’t do that.” James assures her.

“No was the only thing my parents ever said to me.” Dolley says, sitting up, “and I can’t _never_ say no. I understand that. But I don’t know what the right amount is. I don’t know when to say it. I can’t spoil the kid, but I can’t refuse one either.” she sets her head back down, “I don’t think I should be a mom.”

James stares at her, “But do you want to be?”

Dolley frowns, “I don’t know.” she insists, “I just know I don’t want to be the kind of mom my mom was to me. But I don’t want to spoil a kid either.” she pauses, “I don’t think I need kids.”

James grins at her, “Does anybody?”

“I mean, kind of.” Dolley says, “I think some people really want them. I know Martha really wanted kids. Your mom _obviously_ really wanted kids.” 

James rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling, “My mom is an outlier. She shouldn’t be counted.”

“Your mom _needs_ kids.” Dolley insists, “She’s always wanted to be a mom. And she’s really good at it. And she’s really excited to be a grandmother. She needs and loves and wants kids in a way I don’t think I do.”

“What do you mean?” James asks.

“I mean, not having kids wouldn’t make me unhappy.” Dolley says, “In fact, I think I’d be happier if I didn’t have any. But if your mom had never had any kids, I think she would be miserable. Having kids was important to her in a way that it’s not important to me.” she pauses, “I don’t know how to phrase it. Like, I’m happy with my life right now. Maybe the only other thing I want to do is get married to you. But I don’t think there’s anything else I want to do after that. I want to stay here.”

James sits up, “I like here, too.” he says, “I mean, I want to marry you, and then I can stay put, but I like where we are. Personally I can’t stand children.”

Dolley raises her eyebrows, “Really? I’ve never seen you be mean to a child.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t be mean to one.” James says, “They’ve never done anything to personally attack me. But I just don’t like them. I grew up in a house full of babies and I was never good at taking care of them. Every time I tried to hold one of my siblings they would start crying. My house was always sticky. I don’t want to live in a sticky house.”

Dolley snorts, and James smiles, “I know those are stupid reasons, but I really don’t want kids.”

“They’re not stupid reasons.” Dolley says, “if you don’t want kids, you don’t want kids.”

James reaches over and takes Dolley’s hand, “Can we agree then? For now?”

“On not having children? Yes absolutely.” Dolley says, “Unless you wanted to conceive a child right now?”

“Oh, sure, absolutely.” James says, “We can have a shotgun wedding.”

“Great, let’s do it right here on the couch.” Dolley says.

“The wedding or the conception?” James asks.

“Why not both?” Dolley says, and they laugh.

**Author's Note:**

> serious open conversations with ur partner are important kids


End file.
